W E L C O M E

You’ve made it to Chance Avenue;

this road that could lead anywhere — to things you’ve never thought about, ubiquitous experiences, strange phenomena

Me expressing how I feel, which I don’t do nearly enough

I’ve always sucked at introductions. And goodbyes

Hellos in the hallways and goodnights

I remember the most random things… like the lyrics to songs (I never forget them once I know them, once I’ve sung them, is it muscle memory?) and facts I heard once

And yet I can’t remember the first time I rode a bike or the moments I met most my friends

I’m in love with music — R&B and country, rap and indie pop, mainstream pop and obscure artists no one’s heard of. I love it all. Except Imagine Dragons, and most of Billie Eilish (unpopular opinion?). And, somehow, my brother’s playlists

Some people say white is the color of peace, like a dove. I like white; it’s a clean slate

But it’s devoid of life and character. How could that be peace?

I’d say blue is the color of peace, blue — the color of clear skies and summer days, the many hues of water, the quiet broken only by rippling, the calm coexistence of corals and fish and even sharks

It’s my favorite color, the best place… swimming or boating, diving or snorkeling. In lakes or oceans, the Caribbean Sea

I stay forever, my skin burning, drying, peeling, the ends of my hair bleached-blond and broken

I often smell of chlorine, but if I could, I’d choose the ocean breeze

I’m 50/50 introverted-extroverted. As an extrovert, I need external stimulation…

I fill my days, stacking my classes and extracurriculars. So this pandemic’s changed everything; a sport gone and school shortened, and somehow I hardly see my friends more than I used to

I can hang out with them forever and never feel tired of them or drained

But if I don’t know anyone in the room, I suddenly become an introvert. It might be the least logical time… but my extroversion so easily fails me

like a perfect paper airplane, now soaked, picked out of a puddle

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~scanning the room~ I can do this. I can be cool and normal.

2 seconds later: nope nope nope abort mission I’m so awkward and this is weird HELP

I need someone here with me

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My friends all think that I follow my mind over my heart

But the personality test told me otherwise

They don’t know that I feel more than I show, that I don’t let myself be vulnerable even if I’m screaming inside, that I won’t let them see me cry 

The only emotion they often see from me is my laughter

Smiles and jokes and never telling them when I’m hurt

A friend says I’m one of the kindest people she knows. Has my sarcasm escaped her?

But I digress. Back to the matter at hand:

who am i?

You don’t know. And neither do I.